The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
