for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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