I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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