you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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