Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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