Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
