my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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