I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
