I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
