Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
