so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
