I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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