My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
