can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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