Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
