Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
