piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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