My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
