4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
