spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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