When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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