That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
