You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
