I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
