I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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