I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
