dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
