mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
