no, he came in my armpit
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
