she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Someone came in the potted fern
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
