This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
