they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
