I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
