I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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