she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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