I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I touched a dick in church today
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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