goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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