party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
