Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
