Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
