Someone shit on the floor
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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