I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
