I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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