I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You made out with two different species that night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
