That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
