Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
