U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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