question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
