hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
