I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
