u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
