Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
