so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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