oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
