The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
