don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
COCAINE IS GR8
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
