I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
