I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
