I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
