happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I believe in your delicious
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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