I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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