He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
