So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
